Legolas's Paper Bag Mask
by Esteladuial Greenleaf
Summary: Something has happened to Legolas, and he must go around with a paper bag over his head. Read and find out why. Don't forget to review!!! Now with back and forth revenge!!!!
1. Legolas's Paper Bag Mask

One day, Legolas Greenleaf woke up. He looked in his mirror and saw the most horrible thing!!! He decided that this horrible thing could not be shown to the public, therefore he took a paper bag and cut out eye holes for his eyes. He had to hide it somehow.  
  
When the rest of the Fellowship had woken up, they saw the paper bag over Legolas's head. Being the fair elf that he was, they wondered at such a marvel.  
  
"Why, Legolas, what is the matter with you?" asked Aragorn.  
  
"Um….nothing is the matter Aragorn! I'm just fine!!" said Legolas. The paper bag muffled his voice.  
  
"Oh really?" said Gimli. He attempted to yank off the paper bag off of Legolas's head, but then realized that he was too short and could not reach. Frodo laughed.  
  
"Oh, come on Legolas, it can't be that bad, can it? I mean, you're an Elf for pity's sake, you can't have had some sort of *blemish* or something, could you?" said Frodo. Legolas did not answer.  
  
"Oh, stop bothering him, he'll tell us when he's ready," said Sam.  
  
"Thank you Sam!! Now, what's for breakfast?" Legolas said.  
  
* * * *  
  
That night, when Legolas was asleep, and the rest of the Fellowship pretended to be, Aragorn quickly roused them.  
  
"Let's lift the paper bag off. There can't be anything wrong with him, can there?" he said. The others agreed. The crept up to Legolas, and Frodo quietly slid the bag off of his head. He quickly stifled a laugh.  
  
"Oi!! Come here!! This is the most hilarious thing I've ever seen!!!" he said, choking back his laughter. The others ran tip-toeing towards him. There, they saw the Elf with facial hair. Or at least, what looked like facial hair. A complete goatee, beard, and one of those curly French moustaches were drawn on with pen ink. The others didn't bother to stifle their laughter, and laughed out loud, which woke up Legolas. He rubbed his eyes and realized that the paper bag wasn't in the way. He saw Frodo holding the paper bag, and the rest of the Fellowship rolling on the ground, laughing their heads off.  
  
"HEY!!! What was that for?!?!" Legolas shouted.  
  
"We….we just wanted to see what happened to you!!" said Frodo. Legolas advanced on him menacingly. Gimli, who could not take it anymore, stepped forward.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I'M SORRY!!! HAHAHA!!! I ADMIT IT!! I DID IT!!" said Gimli. He was bent over and still laughing. They turned to Gimli. Legolas looked like he was going to kill Gimli.  
  
"HAHAHAHAHA!!! I wanted to see what an Elf looked like with a beard!!! I wanted to see if the world's most favourite Elf would still be the world's most favourite Elf if he had facial hair!! HAHAHA!!! It's washable……after a few weeks," said Gimli.  
  
"A FEW WEEKS?!?!" exclaimed Legolas. Gimli shrugged.  
  
"I thought the bottle said washable."  
  
So, how was that? I'm sorry I had to end it there, I can't think of anymore dialogue. ::shrugs:: sorry. Well, please review!!! It's a little stupid, yes, but that's ok!!! That's what I'm all about……… 


	2. Legolas's Revenge

Due to popular demand, I'm back with chapter 2!! It's not nearly as good as chapter one, but hopefully it'll satisfy you people. Please read and review!!!!

"You thought?!?! Do you know how many fan girls are repulsed by an elf with facial hair?!?!" said Legolas. The others only laughed, and none could sympathize with Legolas's dire situation.

"Fan girls? A little egotistic there, aren't you Legolas? Where did you get the idea of "fan girls" from?" said Aragorn between laughs.

"Erm…..well, I saw it in Galadriel's mirror a few years ago…..snuck a peek while she wasn't looking….I saw all sorts of weird stuff…..glomping, a movie of our expedition, and the like. But not THIS!!" he said, pointing furiously at his drawn on beard.

"Er…." said Sam.

"We should hurry and get to Lórien – it'll get dark soon," said Frodo.

"I can't! Not with THIS!!!" said Legolas. 

"Well, face it, you can't just stay here for a few weeks," said Aragorn. Legolas, sighed, and silently agreed, no matter how reluctant. He flashed a menacing look at Gimli.

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That night, while they were all sleeping, Legolas decided to get back at Gimli. He took one of his white knives and cut off almost all of Gimli's beard. When Gimli woke up that morning and was about to rebraid his beard, he realized that there was only about a quarter of an inch of his beard was there. He yelled.

"Something wrong Gimli?" said Legolas, leaning on a nearby tree. He wanted to be awake to see Gimli's reaction. Gimli pointed at his beard.

"MY BEARD!!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BEARD!!!" said Gimli furiously.

"I cut it," said Legolas shortly.

"IT TOOK ME 30 YEARS TO GROW THIS BEARD!!!!" said Gimli.

"And it took me over 2,000 years to keep this face nice and smooth, free of dirt and especially INK," said Legolas, pointing to the drawn-on facial hair. The dwarf grumbled.

"Maybe, if you try really, really hard, and you wish upon Eärendil, Galadriel will give you some of her hair to glue on to your face, and then you can say that your beard only took a few minutes to grow. Oh, but what if the glue falls off? Or when you're trying to eat something, and you accidentally chew on your Galadriel-hair beard, and you accidentally swallow some of your beard? I don't think Galadriel will appreciate it much if you keep asking for her hair…….Maybe you should get beard-extentions? I know a great place in Mirkwood where they do extentions…..Of course, they usually do hair extentions, but I think they'll make an exception for the Prince of Mirkwood's friend……" 

Yeah….stupid….well, anyway, I don't know what to write anymore, so just bang your head against a wall and hope that I will soon!!! Just to remind you, THIS CHAPTER SUX!!! So don't go flaming me telling me that it SUX because I KNOW IT DOES!!!!!!!!!!! On another note, do any of you watch Yu-Gi-Oh?!?! It's an awesome show!!! I LOVE YUGI'S HAIR!!! lol. Please review!!! 


	3. Gimli's Revenge

Hope you didn't bang your head too much waiting for this chapter ^_^ umz…yeah. So yeah. Here's more of Legolas's Paper Bag Mask. Mmmm…….yum……I'm eating a chocolate chip cookie and coffee ice cream zebra cake that I made!! ::giggles:: you didn't need to know that, did you? 

$$$$$$$$$$$

-In Lothlórien-

"Legolas?" said Gimli, his face red. 

"…..And I think it would be nice if you got streaks done in your bea – yes, Gimli?" said Legolas. 

"SHUT UP!" he said. Legolas sighed. 

"If you didn't want suggestions, Dwarf, ya shouldn't have asked!" said Legolas, shaking his head. Gimli did too, in exasperation.

"I need payback…" mumbled Gimli under his breath.

$$$$$$$$$$$

The Fellowship slept that night, all except Gimli. The last to drop off, before Gimli, was Pippin, and he eyed him with suspicion. But soon, he too, fell asleep. Gimli was still devising a plan to get revenge on Legolas. He chuckled quietly as he thought of it. He saw that Legolas's hair was still fishtailed. Perfect. Gimli took the shears that Legolas used to cut off his beard with, and cut each of the braids as close to his scalp as possible. But there was more. Oh, there was more.

$$$$$$$$$$$

That morning, Legolas woke up. It seemed normal, and he didn't *think* that Gimli had done anything else to him. But something was wrong. Where was the usual swishing of his fishtails? He felt, just to be sure, and yelled. He had discovered that there were two nearly bald spots on the sides of his head near his ears where his braids were, and his hair swept over his eyes. His SHORT hair. He yelled again. 

"**GIMLIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!**" 

"Yes?" said Gimli, sitting against a tree. He wanted to be able to see Legolas's reaction when he woke up. 

"What did you *do*?" said Legolas. He then noticed that his shorn off braids were glued to Gimli's BEARD. Gimli seemed to have adjusted to his three blond, dangling braids. 

"GIMLI!!! YOU CUT OFF MY BRAIDS!! CURSE THE STIFF NECKS OF DWARVES!! AND NOW YOU GLUED THEM TO YOUR BEARD?!?!" said Legolas. By now, the rest of the Fellowship, not to mention Lothlórien, was awake.

"Yup," said Gimli. He turned his head to one side, and the fishtails swished along with it. It was more than Legolas could bear, his once faithful fishtails now dangling off of the beard of another, namely Gimli the dwarf.

"What about your connections at Mirkwood with the hair people?" said Gimli smugly.

"THEY'RE IN MIRKWOOD!" said Legolas.

"Ah. Good point. Guess you'll just have to wait until you get back home. It's going to be a looooong time until then, so you'd better ask Galadriel for some of her hair, and glue it on your scalp. And don't chew on your hair, I've seen you done it before, because the glue might come off, and then you'll have to ask her for some more. I don't think Galadriel would appreciate it if you kept asking her for her hair…"

::giggles:: I think this is a cute story. There's more, so review, and you shall have more cake! -_^


	4. We will have revenge on the evil Elf, ye...

Chapter 4, because I'm a stupid midget. WHOO HOO! Please read and review!

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-Still in Lothlórien-

At this point, Legolas was quite pissed off. He didn't think this would go on for long, but apparently, it had. But….ooh…Gimli had gone too far. TOO FAR! Cutting off a Elf's hair was CRIME. At least, he thought, it should be. Legolas had to think of vengeance for this wrong. He bit his nails, thinking hard.

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That night, Legolas took Gimli's helmet and he threw into the deepest part of the river. He weighed it down with rocks. He then took a tin pail and carved little butterflies, flowers, and rainbows on it. He coloured them in bright, lurid colours, like red, hot pink, yellow, lime green, etc. He also took Gimli's ax and carved a heart on it and wrote "Gimli + Galadriel 4ever!" on it. He coloured it in, and chipped his ax blades to look like a butterfly. He placed them back, and waited until morning……

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"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!" came a yell from the dwarf that morning. 

Legolas chuckled, and said, "Something wrong Gimli?"

"Never mind. There was a bug on my ax – AAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!" he said. Legolas started laughing.

"ELF!! You defaced my ax!! I do *not* love Galadriel!" he said, though he was somewhat blushing. He searched for his helmet, but it wasn't there. In its place was a tin bucket with detailed carvings of winged insects, flora, and colourful arches. He then made a face quite like this: O_O

"MY HELMET!!! What have you done to it?!?!" he roared. Legolas shrugged.

"I *accidentally* dropped it in the river when I was cleaning it," he said, smiling.

"ACCIDENTALLY?! Knowing you, you threw into the middle of the river!" he said. Legolas smirked, and marveled at how right Gimli was about him.

"Well, you'll just *have* to use the bucket now, won't you? Otherwise, you'll have to have your head unprotected. Not like it's not hard enough already…." said Legolas. Gimli grumbled angrily.

"You are evil, Elf," he said, plopping the bucket on his head, the handle under his chin. He eyed his ax, which was beyond repair. He felt sympathetic for the ax, and patted it sympathetically.

"We will have revenge on the evil Elf, yes we will, my precious baby," he whispered to the ax.

::giggles:: Gimli is a bit scary in this chapter. ::shudders:: I love Avril Lavigne! Listening to Mobile right now, you should hear it!! So cool! Pop up ads are evil, and pop unders are even worse! You know, the ads that you don't see pop on the screen, but they're on the taskbar? Yeah, those evil things. Well, please read and review!!!!


	5. You Just Don't Bloody Do That to an Elf!

Aww…Since I loves you all….I shall update. I'm sorry I have neglected you!! ;_; By now, I believe I have lost EVERYONE, but will update for the 1 reader…A lot of stuff has happened since last chapter…I no longer like Avril, and have moved on to SKA!! I LOVES MY SKA!! ^_^ Rx Bandits rock my world, as do Less than Jake, Almighty Me, and Suburban Legends ^_^ And in reply to some reviewers, yes, I know Legolas and Gimli are great chums and everything, but you must remember that I am a psycho bitch. G'day all! And remember, I LOVES YOU ALL!

Gimli was _very_ irritated. Really. The tin pail was too bloody big, the axe wouldn't chop anything anymore, but most of all, he had a particularly smug elf on his hands. All would have pissed off any dwarf. He racked his brain meats for some revenge suitable for this horrendous crime. At last he laughed to himself. This would be great……

(^_^)

Later that day, Gimli was smirking. The great revenge had just ensued. Any moment now, Legolas would see…

And soon enough, a yell from a specific elf rang through Lórien.

"**GIMLI**!" Legolas yelled.

"Hm?" said Gimli, with an air of sarcasm.

"What-did-you-do-to-my-bow?!?!" he shouted.

"I've no idea what you're talking about."

"THIS!" said Legolas, pulling out his bow. It had been knocked about, scratched, and if that wasn't enough, it was only being held by the bowstring and a few splinters. 

"I see nothing wrong with it," Gimli said nonchalantly.

"NOTHING WRONG?! Do you **know** how long it takes to make a bow like this? It was custom made! The fine Elven craftsmenship, the beautiful etchings! You don't just bloody break an elf's bow! How COULD you?!"

Gimli whistled, and looked as if he was cleaning his fingernails (a first). Not for long, however. Legolas took the shards of his once beloved bow and hit Gimli sharply over the head. 'You don't just bloody break an elf's bow!' Now it was full out war.

Hm…losing my touch, but that's 'cause I'm never allowed on, and I NEVER have time…..Sorry, mates. Please read and review, eh?


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